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Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Death on a Segway. Say WHAT?!

Just read a report about the death of Jimi Heselden, the 62 year old owner of the Segway company. You know Segway, the 2-wheeled chariot made more famous by Paul Blart Mall Cop? Well, it seems that Mr. Heselden died while riding his Segway and going off a cliff. OK Say WHAT?! He drove off a cliff to his death while on a Segway? How was this possible? I know it's a serious thing and my condolences go out to his family, but this borders on the absurd. It ranks a spot on 1000 Ways to Die! Let's break this down:

1: The Segway has a max speed of 12 MPH. Couldn't he have just STEPPED OFF the damned thing before reaching the edge of the cliff? I mean I WALK faster than a Segway. I've stepped off skateboards that were moving faster than one. Sure he was an old guy, but even if he fell on his ass, the most he could have gotten was a dislocated hip. He could have stepped off!

2: Granted he was 62 years old and his reaction time may have been slow, but the Segway is responsive to your body movements. It should have stopped when he, supposedly, instinctively pulled back from the edge. Even given bad eyesight due to his years, he should have seen that there was no road ahead of him.

3: Someone mentioned that maybe it was a suicide. Perhaps. But given the speed of the Segway, you'd think he'd have 2nd, 3rd and maybe up to 10th thoughts about going through with it. With a car you don't have much time to change your mind. You hit high speed, run off the cliff and that's it. Not so with a Segway. You can see your entire life pass by and press Pause on the interesting parts and even replay them before you even reached the edge.

It's like I said, this accident(?) borders on the absurd. It shouldn't have happened for a whole mess of reasons besides the ones I mentioned above.

The report says that Heselden loved the Segway so much, he bought the company. Victor Kiam did the same thing when he bought Remington, but I doubt we'll ever see him involved in a runaway shaving accident. (EGADS! Could you imagine the press on THAT?!)

Nope! Sorry. This death is just too weird for reality.
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